The day started out slowly, like most of my days, but I felt Jesus with me. As He had been speaking more words about surrender, I felt that I was listening this time and preparing for what He would take me through. This waiting time to find a medication that would bring the RA back down from an inflamed state felt like it was taking too long for my own time-table. So I continued to ask Him to uncover more of my own desires for self-sufficiency that still lingered within. As I had been asking my friends for prayer, I thought that I was on the road to acceptance.
Until another small set-back pushed me over the edge, and the tears spilled out.
Many years ago, the Lord took me through a long season of intercession for several friends and family members. It was a time of deep stretching. And it became my first lesson in learning that only God’s Grace is sufficient. The burdens became too heavy for me to carry on my own. I knew that the prayers themselves were being birthed in the Spirit, as words and Scriptures would flood my mind.
Then many years after that, the Lord opened a way for this small town Midwestern girl to travel with my new Vietnamese daughter-in-law by ourselves to Vietnam for a 3 week visit with her family. She had only been in the US for 7 months herself, and I had never been out of the country. I knew I was in over my head. I knew that God’s Grace would have to be my sufficiency.
In those seasons, the night-times were places where Jesus often called prayers up from the deepest places of my heart. Pages and pages of old journals document the hard and the sweet words He spoke through my prayers. Prophetic and surprising, so many of those prayers were answered in just the way God had asked me to pray.
So when I cried at the self-sufficiency being taken away in this season of Chronic Illness, the Holy Whisper of God surprised me:
This is not a foreign place for you, my daughter. I have prepared you for these days already. You have learned that my Grace is sufficient in every place of prayer. Am I not sufficient for you here?
And suddenly I was whisked back in time, remembering those days . . .
“All For Love”
The words gushed out of my heart
But
The groans and the tears
Fell
On the floor at my feet.
Intercession swirled over my head
And
The pain that another felt
Hurt
My heart like my own
God brought the questions
And
Then God sent His Word
To
Pray the answers
How could I explain the prayers
That
Poured from my belly
And
The longing for which I waited
They are The Apple of Your Eye
Lord
They are The Dearly Loved Ones
For
Whom You spilled Your blood
Months passed and years plodded
On
The prayers kept pouring forth
From
My soul where I carried grief
Bitter turned to sweet!
Prayers found fullness!
Intercession fulfilled!
Even as my singing heart rejoiced
And
Even as the weight was lifted
Yet
A pin had pricked my soul
A bleeding kept pouring forth
From
A hidden chamber in my heart
As
A question lodged still remained
You saw it all my Lord Jesus Christ
And
You carried all those weights
When
I thought I would die underneath
Yours is the only heart fully able
To
Be the true intercessor for us all
Who
Carries the hardest-hearted-sinner
But You ask us to join you there
To
Crawl up into Your lap of love
While
We speak the same words You speak
You want to show us the beauty
That
Only Love Eyes can look upon
And
Only Love spilled out can win
They are the ones
We are the ones
Oh!
I am the one
The apple of Your eye
–bg
“In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye,” Deuteronomy 32:10 NIV
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 NIV
In this week before Easter, we see the cross set before us. We look upon the One Who shed His own dear blood, and we wonder how. We wonder why. When all the answers are filled up in only one word, His love led Him there. He took JOY to redeem us back to the heart of His Father
Have you let Him show you the love He carries for you?
Do you know that you are the apple of His eye?
Dear Lord Jesus,
We do come before you, falling to our knees. How could you have loved us so? We know that we are so hard-hearted, and we must admit that we are filled with our own self-sufficiency. Some days we are so proud of that sufficiency. Oh, Lord, forgive us for all these ways that we turn away from You. And yet You still love us and call us back to Yourself. Will you give us glimpses of the depth of Your love? Will you wash away more of our places of pride? And will You fill us with the immeasurable love that only You can bring? We need You so much. We long to be with you Jesus. We praise You for Your beauty and Glory.
In Your precious name we pray, Amen.
I am linking with:
BettieGsRAseasons 
Praying with you, today, Bettie. Yes, LORD, wash my pride away and press me deeper into YOU.
I am so sorry you are walking through so much pain. But I am so thankful our Lord is meeting you there in beautiful ways. Thank you for being so open and honest – you are such a blessing to me.
This especially encourages me:
God brought the questions
And
Then God sent His Word
To
Pray the answers
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Dear Anna,
Thank you for your beautiful prayers and support for me also. I am so amazed at the ways that the Lord weaves our days together, and plans for ways to bring us blessings in the middle of our hard times. And then when we find His Word rooted so deeply in our hearts, it is so overwhelming to us, isn’t it? Playing in the background now is “Here’s my heart, Lord.” 🙂 His timing again is so perfect. So much love and hugs to you on this Easter week. xoxo
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Your poetry is deep and speaks your heart so well. It also speaks of my own heart. I find I need to learn how to surrender over and over and wonder why it is so hard to let go. I love how God reassured you and reminded me of how well he prepared you for such a time as this. Thank you for the prayer. I am joining you in prayer and knowing that God is our sufficiency.
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Dear Mary, I am so thankful that you understand the deep places of surrender in the heart! And I wonder also why it is so hard to let go, especially when our heart’s desire is to be with our Lord? This world has such a hold on us. I am grateful that He understands that more clearly than we ever could, and He does bring us such grace and preparation for every trial. May Jesus keep walking us through these days. I am glad that we can pray for each other! Blessings and Love to you this Easter!
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When I read your words, Bettie, it brings me back to the point of remembering what life is really all about, what is truly important, Who will always be there for me.
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Dear Linda, oh yes, HE is the one who is always here for us, isn’t He? And I too long to be brought back to remembering what life is really all about. May He keep our eyes fixed on His truth! Love and Hugs to you!
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Praying for you Bettie. May the Lord be with you always.
Wishing you a Blessed and Peaceful Holy Week.
God bless.
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Thank you so much, Victor! I truly appreciate your prayers. May the Lord give you a Blessed and Peaceful Holy Week also!
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You pour out your heart to Jesus and He fills it as only He can. Your words touched me deeply! And can sense the deepening of your relationship with Him and the love he offers in every word. Beautiful. I hope your Easter if filled with the Joy that only comes from knowing Him Bettie!
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Dear Lynn, I am so thankful that the Lord touched your heart here today. He is so precious to walk with us through every changing season, isn’t He? I am so amazed at the love that He continues to pour into my heart. May you have a Beautiful and joy-filled Easter also!
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Bettie, oh my – this means more to me that I could share right here. Thank you so much for this quote from your post: “This is not a foreign place for you, my daughter. I have prepared you for these days already. You have learned that my Grace is sufficient in every place of prayer. Am I not sufficient for you here?” It was no accident that I’m your neighbor today at Jamie’s. Many blessings!
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Dear Leslie,
What a precious Lord we have! He truly brings us together in His timing for His glory to be shared among us. I am so thankful that He does prepare us ahead of time. We may not recognize it as such, but later He will show us His faithfulness and His help along the way! I am praying for you dear sister! May you have a Blessed Easter!
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The beautiful picture of us climbing into our Intercessor’s lap of love and joining Him on behalf of hurting souls brings tears to my eyes, Bettie. Our hearts may hurt so for another’s pain, and yet to think of how infinitely more deeply He hurts for them and us is so amazing. I pray you have a Joy-filled Easter! Love and hugs to you!
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Dear Trudy, I am so thankful for the beautiful intercessor’s heart that you bear! Jesus is so good to let us share in HIs loving of those dear ones, isn’t He? And then when He shows us how deeply that love extends for them and for us also, we are so humbled and amazed! I pray that you will have a joy-filled Easter also, my friend. Hugs and Love to you! xoxo
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Oh what wonderful reassurance the Lord gave you as you surrended anew to Him in the area of His all-sufficiency for our every need! He really is the Chief Intercessor who works in and through imperfect people like us, giving human voice to His words as we intercede and speak, share, testify and write, so that others might come to know Him like we do. Your beautiful poem spoke volumes to my soul. I especially love the last stanza because how often we tend to forget just how precious we already are to Him! This post makes me hope you will be enboldened enough to share more snippets from your prayer journals. They are breathtaking gems of faith, a great source of hope and inspiration and a huge blessing to all who read them. Blessings, love and hugs! xoxo
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Dear Joy,
Yes, I am so thankful that He did meet me so beautifully at the place of surrender. Isn’t He so precious to bring us that reassurance? I am so glad that your heart was stirred with the thoughts of how much He loves us. And you always have a way of getting to the deep places in my heart, also, dear friend! Even here, as you followed the nudges of the Spirit to ask me to be willing to share more notes from my prayer journals! Sometimes I tend to think, whew! that one is finished, now to move on to the next thing! But, oh, our Lord asks us to linger a little longer, and to let Him bring more of His truth into the light. Thank you for your words and encouragement in my life! You are a such a blessing. Hugs and Love to you during this Easter week! xoxo
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Such a beautiful poem, Bettie. You’re a gifted poet. Thank you for the reminder that, even I, am the apple of His eye. Brings a smile to my soul this afternoon. — And, what a pretty song. Thank you for sharing, friend. Happy Easter!
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Dear Brenda, Thank you for your sweet words today! I am so blessed that the Lord would stir your heart to see how special He views you! You are a gift to so many. May you have a Blessed and Happy Easter too!
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Amen! Thanks very much for sharing this, Bettie. May the spirit of Easter awaken in us again all that we need to live like we’ve been called to. Blessings to you.
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Dear Boma, Oh, yes, may we allow the Lord Jesus to become so alive in our hearts! He is risen for us and in us! May you have a Blessed week also!
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I pray that this week finds you feeling better, Bettie. You really hit home with me when you talk about self-sufficiency. It’s a sin I struggle with: “So I continued to ask Him to uncover more of my own desires for self-sufficiency that still lingered within.” Yes and amen from me too.
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Dear Lisa, Thank you so much for your prayers! And, oh how that self-sufficiency creeps up on us, doesn’t it? I am thankful to know I’m not alone in that feeling. But what a gift our Savior offers when He does uncover those areas, so that He can be everything we need! I am glad we can pray for each other on this journey. Blessings to you!
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Bettie, I love all of this. Your poem is so poignant. It really pictures how we sometimes groan and cry through our prayers, yet also shows us that Jesus is the perfect intercessor. We can give ALL our burdens to Him and He will carry us through. Blessing to you and much love! xoxo Thank you for sharing your words with us at the #LMMLinkup!
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Dear Gayl,
What a precious Lord we have who understands all of our unspoken prayers and groanings! He truly is that perfect intercessor. I am grateful that we can share our burdens together as we lift them to Him. What an encouragement on this journey! Thank you for all of your love and support my dear friend. Hugs & Love & Blessings to you! xoxo
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