Four and a half years. That’s how long God asked me to stay with a Doctor who treated me as if I did not know my own body, as if I was somehow less than his other patients, as if these reactions and side effects were my own fault.
As the results of more thorough testing are coming in this week, and appointments are being scheduled with new specialists, my heart had to ask the questions:
Why didn’t You send me to different Specialists in the first place, Lord? I heard You specifically asking me to stay with that Doctor who refused to listen to me. How could that be YOUR guidance?
What I have been hearing in response to my questions is not a popular subject in this age of wordly pleasures and instant solutions. Even in the Church we are not without these beliefs. They creep up on us all unaware. We might plant our feet in what feels like the solid teaching of Biblical traditions, and yet we can fall prey to the false notion that this life is meant for our ease. We become deaf and shut down our ears to the the words of the true Gospel that calls us to a life of surrender on this earth.
All Things Serve You
He called me out while
the pain shut me in and
my heart lost its strength
beating a lop-sided spin.
Hear My voice in the fog and
watch for My trail when
your path is crossed
slipping onto the rocks.
Hold close to My hand as
the fires engulf and
your eyes are burnt
squinting for the way through.
Dive in with Me here
feel the waves wash over
your head plunging
you under My current.
the pain
the fog
the fire
the waves
These are only My servants
My child of earth and clay
creating a weight of glory
only gained in the WAIT.
–bg
“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;“ 2 Corinthians 4:17 KJV
He is at work in the deep places of our hearts, where the true work of this world is being accomplished. We may get to enjoy some of the benefits of those purifying trials during these days here, but the fullness will only be seen when we stand face to face with Him.
In the meantime, there is a resting in the struggles that He wants us to see, wants us to trust. For our Lord is the fulfillment of the law of love, God’s heart for each one, and He will never abandon His work in us:
“Your laws endure to this day,
for all things serve you.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.” Psalm 119:91-92 NIV
In this place of speaking the truth, and not minimizing the struggle, HE is the One who calls me out into the pain, the fog, the fire, and the waves. I cannot deny His Presence here with me, and I cannot deny the surrenders that He calls forth when He asks if I am willing to be made more like Jesus, in His precious weight of glory. Can I see any of HIS glory in me yet? Four and a half years–how can that be glorious?
Here in this process the Lord has uncovered that all those words the Doctor thought of me were only words that I had held close in my own thinking. It took that long for me to begin to let go of the minimizing that I have placed upon myself. If you listened to our recent #Treasures from the Sands podcast with my friend Anna Smit, then you know how I carried so many responsibilities as my own. Still do, in fact. The process is not complete by any means, as just this week He uncovered more weights of self-sufficiency that I have been loath to let go of.
Oh, but HIS glorious grace is so much better than any false sense of strength that I might still be clinging to. I am learning in this waiting that my weakness opens the door to see His strength and His life in ways I have not dreamed of. My eyes are lifted up to His handclasp.
My dear friend, while you are waiting, can you also see that He will not let go of our hands?
He will not desert the children of His heart.
“But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them,” Nehemiah 9:17
“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him” Lamentations 3:25
May this song be our prayer today, as we wait at the feet of Jesus, watching for HIS life all around us:
I am linking with:
BettieGsRAseasons 
Thank you for this great post!
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
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Thank you so much for sharing that verse. It means so much to me–it is from my life chapter in the Bible that God has used so often. He knew what I needed to hear tonight–thank you so much for listening to Him.
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I’m glad he used me.
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capital H in “he”
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Amen! So thankful for His Spirit weaving and sharing! Blessings to you!
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May God bless your day greatly!
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Dear Bettie, this is so beautiful! Such a moving, heartfelt post. It reveals your inner wrangling and questioning, rather like Job, coupled with wise, encouraging responses from the Lord that teach us all how we should proceed as well. And a wonderful reminder of the power of God to strengthen and sustain us through everything, if we would only surrender the pain/ the fog/ the fire/ the waves” to Him. I absolutely LOVE your poem! These closing lines are simply divine in construct, thought, reassurance and inspiration:
“These are only My servants
My child of earth and clay
creating a weight of glory
only gained in the WAIT.”
I feel for the struggle, the pain and hard things you are enduring, but I also rejoice to see the way God is speaking to and through you to minister to others, including me. May this change of consultant make a big difference in your future treatment and outcomes. Sending love, gentle hugs, and blessings of strength and healing to you, dear friend. xoxo
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Dear Joy,
Oh what a precious Savior we have, One who “strengthens and sustains” even as we wrangle our questions before Him. I am so very thankful that you can understand and join me in prayer to surrender more of our lives to Him. Your thoughts are such encouragements to me on this journey. He does have so much to teach us on this pathway, doesn’t He? Oh may we learn to wait on Him, even here where it seems to take so long! Thank you for all of your prayers my dear friend, and I pray for that strength and healing for you too. Blessings, love, and hugs for you too! xoxo
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I hope you find someone who is compassionate and knowledgeable my dear!
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Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement dear Wendi!! I pray blessings and strength for you today also, sweet sister.
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It is truly my pleasure to pray for you Bettie. Thank you for your prayers, I need them today. God bless you!
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What a precious weaving He has granted, to be able to pray for each other, in this online community of His grace! I know that I so need those prayers also. Love & Hugs!
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I will keep you in my prayers Bettie. God bless you for all you do for others, lifting them up in Christ.
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wonderful thoughts.
I have learned that it is in the fire where we are refined and come out as gold.
Love and prayers.
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Thank you Mandy. OH, yes, He truly is at work through the fires, refining that gold of His presence within us. Love and Prayers for you too Fellow RAsister!
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Dear Bettie, I see so much of His glory in you. Through your pain and struggle you always come back to God and see that He is with you through it all. Then you share with us what you learn, not minimizing your struggles. Thank you for letting us see your honest struggles and your love for Jesus. When I was reading your words I thought of Psalm 139, verses 9-10. I love how verse 10 reads in the CSB version:
If I live at the eastern horizon
or settle at the western limits,
10 even there your hand will lead me;
your right hand will hold on to me.
It says His hand will HOLD ON to me. He will never let us go.
Love and hugs and blessings to you, dear sister/poet/friend! xoxo
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Oh Dear Gayl, what precious thoughts the Lord gave you through those Scriptures. Thank you so much for sharing them here. He truly is HOLDING me here, and I need to remember that daily. Even when I feel too weak to hold on, He will not let go. I am so grateful for all of your love and support Dear Friend!! May He bring you great blessings of strength today too. Love & Hugs! xoxo
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amen 🙂 Beautiful, encouraging words
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I am so thankful that you found encouragement here! God’s blessings to you today!!
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I am always inspired by your messages.When we moved from VA to SC, I was amazed at how God provided ways for me to let go of my doctors and how He found new doctors for me. My husband and I trusted my doctors in VA. They knew my situation and illnesses. Yet God provided some very unique circumstances so I would look for other doctors. God always knows best. I am praying for you dear friend.
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Oh Melissa thank you for your prayers and encouragement during this transition and searching time for new doctors. Yes, God really does know best, and He has the right doctors in mind now. I pray that I will listen and hear His guidance. Blessings to you dear friend!
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The Lord be merciful towards you, Bettie. Praying a daily release of His strenght and grace in Jesus name. God bless sister
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Thank you dear Ifeoma! I appreciate your prayers and encouragement today. May I hold onto His strength and grace! Blessings to you also!
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Oh my sister, I rejoice with you, His light shining into those places we are unaware and often blind. It is freedom unraveling, it is healing of supernatural strength. Yes! The Church is hesitant to go from deep to deep. Just before I read your blog I was praying about a live post about Church health. Love to you, my brave sister listening to His truth in trust of His purpose in your life.
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I love the way that you expressed that: “freedom unraveling, healing of supernatural strength” His convictions are sweet because they open our hearts to see so much more of Him in our lives. I am so thankful that He moves in our hearts to listen to His Spirit and to His Word. I pray along with you for His Body, His Church, to long for His truth, that we would cry out for more of Him. Blessings and love to you!
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Bettie,
I thought about you mostly..you are such an inspiration for me.A true disciple of Jesus, even in your severe pains and struggles you trust Him wholeheartly and waits patiently for the response.
1 John 4:19- We love because he first loved us.
Stay Blessed!!!
Love & Prayers
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Dear Athira,
Such a precious Scripture! Thank you for sharing with me. Amen! HE is the source of our love and our hope. I am so thankful that we can encourage each other to keep trusting and waiting upon Him. He is always right here with us! Love and Prayers for you too!
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I so hope and pray God blesses the means to new guidance and provision of a new treatment that will ease your pain, Bettie. You have been through so much, and yet through it all, God is teaching you many deep spiritual lessons. I’m so grateful you share them with us. Thank you so much for encouraging me that there can be beauty in the waiting. How true it is that “In the meantime, there is resting in the struggles that He wants us to see, wants us to trust.” This brings to mind a quote that touched me in the introduction of Alia Joy’s book Glorious Weakness. She shared one by Charles Spurgeon: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” I long to learn more to kiss those waves! Love and blessings of strength in every way!
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Dear Trudy,
Oh I love that quote from Spurgeon, it is just so precious. Yes, I so long to be quicker to kiss those waves. I have begun the process, as He shows me glimpses into His purposes, and as I feel Him so close through it all. But when I see those waves approaching, I want to stand and hold onto Jesus, instead of wanting to run, which has been my first response in the past! I am so thankful to have you back sharing your words Trudy! I have missed you. I look forward to commenting at your site too. I read your words early this morning, and was just so blessed to hear from you again. You are always such an encouragement from the Lord. Love and blessings for you as well dear sister!
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It can be so hard to let go of all self-sufficiency! I know I haven’t fully grasped that yet and I will be working though that right to the end most likely! May you continue to give yourself grace as God draws you closer and closer to Him, Bettie.
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Dear Lynn,
Oh yes, you are so right that this is such a life-long process to learn the letting go of self-sufficiency. Your words are a comfort to me, as I continue to lean more into HIS grace for me too. He is so good to call us to Himself! Blessings and love to you today!
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Dear Bettie, I pray the new doctors will bring about a whole new breakthrough in your treatment. I don’t understand either why the healing doesn’t come sooner. But I know the beauty He carves into our souls in the waiting. You are truly beautiful in Christ. Blessings, love and hugs to you!
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Dear Melissa,
What a precious thought you have expressed: “I know the beauty He carves into our souls in the waiting.” Lord, may I open my eyes to see more of You here in this place, more of Your beauty! I appreciate your prayers and encouraging words so much dear sister. May He bless you with comfort and grace this week!
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Bettie, how refreshing to read this. These things I too know. Yet so many see the way of ease and comfort as God’s will for us. But we are called to suffer sometimes. To go through the testing fires that refine us until we come out as pure gold. I sm so glad to have found you Bettie. We are of a like mind. Gid bless you my friend
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Oh how thankful I am for the Lord’s connecting and weaving! He knows how to draw together those who are seeking for more of His truth in our hearts, more surrenders in our souls. And how grateful I am that He is purifying us, bringing that pure gold of His presence through these trials. It is not a popular subject, and yet there are those of us who have heard Him calling us to deeper surrender, and are answering that call. May He bless you this week, dear friend! I have been so blessed by your poetry also!
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Oh Bettie, thankyou so much. Yes, we are together, and indeed it is not anpopular subject but it is what we are called to, and for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear, the call is plain. Oh how I wish we could talk together. It is good to find those who understand this as there seem to be so few. I will keep stopping by your site Bettie. God bless you always
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Amen. He is our strength through these places of surrender! Thank you for your prayers! May the Lord bless you tonight also, my new friend in Jesus!
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I understand the place of waiting. Not in the same way as you but to the point that it feels uncomfortable. Last year, was my year of surrender and in that process of letting go God always reassured me that He was there to catch me if I fell. This year God is asking me to receive and it looks like resting and waiting some more. I wonder when the waiting will be over and the chance to “do” will be restored. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us to look for God’s glory in all.
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Thank you also for sharing your heart and story, Mary. Your words always bring a blessing to my heart. I love the way that God “reassured you that He was there to catch you if you fell.” That is such a sweet thought, even as I am still so wobbly and weak with dizziness from bad medication reactions. What a comfort He brings to us, even in these waiting places, that He is always right here with us. I am thankful we can pray for each other!
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Dear Bettie, this is balm to my soul as I wait for answers and outcomes regarding those I am praying for. May those years be restored to you with abundance that glorifies God through you. 🕊️🍃💙
Blessings – Wendy Mac
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Dear Wendy,
Oh thank Jesus for the balm that He brought to you here. I am so thankful for those sweet words of prayer that you offered here, for those years to be restored as a glory to our God! And I am praying for you also dear sister. May His answers and outcomes be such a precious God-gift of beauty for you and all around you. Blessings and love to you
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