How do you handle the not-knowing?
When my husband was given a rare and fatal heart disease diagnosis, followed closely by a 4-year prognosis, we were left trembling and shocked. A heart disease that was as hard to pronounce as it was to understand brought a whole new set of challenges to our already slowed-down lifestyle. My own set of chronic illnesses seemed hard enough to manage; how would we get through his disease requirements, too?
If you are anything like me, you might try to dance with the unknowing. First, there is the glance toward the subject, which is a kind of side-eye. Then comes the full-face acknowledgment of said subject, followed closely by research on everything possible regarding the dilemma. Ultimately, the great unknowing catches you in its net, and you cry Enough! as you collapse under the weight of it all.
Why can’t the mystery of such unknowing be solved like a first-grade math problem? After all, everyone knows that 1 + 1 = 2. Even the pre-algebra student knows that we are solving for the unknown.
Ahhh…the unknown. There it is again. No matter how often I circle around in the dance, I never come any closer to finding the answer I need.
NO SET DANCE STEPS IN THE UNKNOWING
I thought I had confronted the great unknowing and learned to dance its steps—but there are no set steps in this dance. It cannot be learned; it cannot be planned out. I discovered that soon enough.
My husband’s heart disease did not change. It still swam around the edges of our vision, coloring every choice we made. Would this be the year, or the month, or the day…?
So—
- we surrendered our hopes for the future and placed our days in God’s hands.
My times are in Your hands. (Psalm 31:15)
- We clung to the Scriptures telling us God alone sets the days and seasons.
He changes times and seasons. (Daniel 2:20-21)
- We made lifestyle changes, some of them rather drastic.
- My husband agreed to start the new medication that looked promising. Even that drug had its share of unknowns, with research showing only a small benefit.
- Then we lived out our days, one by one by one.
He holds the number of my days; yes, He does—but He also holds me.
Even to your old age, I will be the same, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will sustain you and deliver you. (Isaiah 46:4)
The 4-year initial prognosis came and went. The doctor said, “The medicine is too new. It’s just too soon to tell what effect it will have. Enjoy the life you have been given.” His words caught my feet from trying to plan out the dance. A pause in the music rested before me.
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I am so grateful to have been able to share this post with Chronic Joy. Click here to join me for the full post and the audio version as well.
When I first wrote this post for Chronic Joy Ministry, the year was early, and my #oneword of Mystery still felt very fresh in my mind. And the dance imagery seemed so real to me, as I felt the gentle calling of my Savior to trust Him with my next steps. I did not know that Chronic Joy would share this post at the end of my year of Mystery, but it is exactly the time it needs to be.
This word has brought me such comfort in a year filled with so many questions. The mystery has become the path that leads me to my next word, or rather word(s) as I ask the Lord to open my eyes to ponder the wonder of His ways. …
I hope to share more about those soon …
Will you pray with me at the beginning of this new year?
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank You for guiding our steps and leading us in Your great dance of life. Will You forgive us for the times we turn away from Your outstretched arm? And will You help us when our faith feels so small, to know that YOU hold all the answers that are hidden from us. We are so grateful for every glimpse of Your glory that You have revealed along this way of mystery. Our eyes are upon You.
In Your name we pray, Amen .
I am linking with: #TrafficJamReboot
BettieGsRAseasons 
These words and verses are still such an encouragement, Bettie. Thank you! “He holds the number of my days; yes, He does—but He also holds me.” Such a comforting truth! I hope and pray you and your husband may yet have much more time together! Love and blessings of strength and peace for each day/moment!
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Thank you dear Trudy for all of your prayers of blessings. I appreciate them so much. And I am so glad that the Lord brought you encouragement here too. Isn’t He so good to let us share His Word together! It’s a treasure I don’t take lightly, especially as my times for sharing words here have become less. May the Lord bring you great blessings of His presence this new year also dear sister. ❤️🤗🙏
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The unknown can be very scary at times. Yet, I’m thankful that we can take our fears and worries to God. He will comfort us with the peace that only He can give. Praying for you and your family. God bless you all.
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Thank you for all your prayers, dear Melissa. I am so glad that He understands all those fears that arise in our hearts. And what a gift when “He comforts us with the peace that only He can give.” I pray blessings of peace over you and your family too. ❤️🤗
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Dear Bettie,
I first read your writing on Chronic Joy’s website and found it sohelpful that I printed it to hi-lite and reread when needed again and again. I tried to thank you on Chronic Joy’s site, but for some reason it wouldn’t go through, so I’m happy to have this additional opportunity. Here’s what I had written and it still holds so true!
What a heart-touching post, Bettie, laced with timely encouragement. Though I’m sincerely sorry for all the serious challenges you and your husband are enduring, I thank God, He has gifted you to beautifully share about it for the sake of those who so need your inspired words. I’m not facing the extreme difficulties you wrote about, but your courage is helping me to find courage in what I am dealing (not so well) with.
May our great God bless you and your husband richly continue to hold your hearts with His tender love in ways that are palpable.
I thank God for YOU and find myself praying for you and your sweet husband.
Love,
Melody ~
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Oh dear Melody, I appreciate your prayers and encouragement so much! Your words bring tears to my eyes to know that the Lord is sharing such comfort from Him between us here. And the book you sent me from Vaneeta Rendall Risner has been such a timely gift for me too, just when I needed it most. I am praying for you tonight and asking the Lord to show you how pleased He is with you as you have walked through some very deep trials. May He show you His faithfulness in this new place of trial now. Blessings to you dear sister!
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Sweetest Bettie, I find myself filtering through my mind every possibility of what I might do to “fix or improve “ your situation. Only to find that I am grievously ill equipped. Empty handed. Helpless to help you in any meaningful, life changing way. I am left with one offering of deep love to you. I can pray. It’s the best I have to offer. But I do offer it. I pray the Lord will find me faithful to help bear your in prayer. It seems such a fragile offering because I must totally trust in the promises of our Lord. I choose to trust Him by being faithful to lift you both up in daily prayer. For some human reason it seems I’d feel some comfort if I could positively impact your situation, but my only true offering is to lift you both up in prayer. He truly is the best I’ve got. I love you so much Bettie. Lynda
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Dear Lynda, your words and thoughts are such a blessing to me tonight that they have me in tears. You have been such a precious gift of love from the Lord over my whole lifetime! And to think that you are still praying for me and for Barry is a comfort that goes deeper than any “fix” or solution you might think of. It truly is the prayer that I am most overwhelmed by, and in need of. Thank you for listening to the Lord’s nudges to lift us before Him. You are in my prayers tonight too. Blessings to you dear sister! ❤️
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Ahhhh, the unknown is such an enticing & yet fear inducing mystery Bettie. The unknown can indeed be challenging for us constantly inviting us to dance with it, I empathize with you & your husband through the following personal experience. May I share a brief overview of my personal dance with the unknown;
When my late husband was diagnosed with a Grade 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme Brain Tumor (the worst of the worst kind), they gave him 6-12 months best case scenerio & that was with surgery & Radiation therapy. He chose not to have the 6 weeks of Radiation Therapy after surgery because it meant being in the big city away from the farm for that time & the Oncologist said it wouldn’t do much to the tumor.
We went home to the farm & lived our ‘normal’ life, which he loved, but the Drs timeline was not God’s timeline as we only got to have 3 months together from diagnosis until he stepped into heaven. But those 12 weeks were full of very special everyday moments between us that I still hold very precious in my heart.
Through that experience & the previous experience of losing two of my children, my daughter Candy & son Benjamin I view the unknown from a different perspective now.
God already knows my unknown & although I didn’t think I would cope with what was to me at that time the unknown future, while traversing through those Valleys of the Shadow of Death, He was there carrying me through.
God knows my unknown & I rest in that, no longer accepting Unknown’s invitation to dance but choosing to dance before the throne of Grace where all my tomorrows are assured.
Shared with much love & prayers sweet friend, Jennifer 💝
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