HUMILIATION and SHAME
In the past, I thought I viewed people who were suffering through the eyes of compassion. I hurt for them, and I wanted to find a way to help them. I wanted to lift them to Jesus most of all.
I never thought about the humiliation that might come when I could not hold the coins in my hand at the check-out counter. I never thought about the shame of being seen as the Shuffling-One as I tried to move out of the way for the Hurried-Ones. No, I had felt the shame of messing up from my own mistakes, or being hurt by another’s wrong choices.
But how was it that I came to this place of being humiliated by my own physical condition? And where did I pick up this feeling of being ashamed by my illness? I was as shocked by what I was carrying around in my heart, even more than what I was carrying around in my body.
As I cried out to Jesus, I realized that God never HUMILIATES. God brings HUMBLENESS, a lesson that I have asked to be taught many times throughout my lifetime. I was ready to learn again, here in this place of Chronic Illness. But I realized that before I could learn more about humbleness, I would need to learn how to quiet my heart from this weight of SHAME that I carry with me.
Quiet my own heart? There is so much fear attached to shame and humiliation: Fear of being exposed, feeling naked in the shame. I am not alone in this Shame Game. I have borne the burdens of many others who also walk hunched over by shame. Could it be that Jesus is letting me physically bear this shuffling time, hunched over in protectiveness from the pain, so that I can let that compassion run deeper in my veins?
Jesus invites me in, where He dwells, into my most vulnerable heart. And He whispers
I cannot be near to His Heart without feeling His heartbeat. He covers the Shame of the naked ones, and He lifts up the shuffling of the humiliated ones.