HAUNTED BY PAST TRAUMA
I grew up with a mother who was plagued with constant illnesses—and in a faith tradition that put a heavy emphasis on divine healing. Miraculously, my mother was healed from several illnesses, but new ones would invariably take their place.
I remember asking the adults who attended the healing services, “What about those who are NOT healed?” Sadly, very few attempted to discuss that topic.
Years later, when I developed my chronic illnesses, nagging questions persisted.
- Was my faith too weak for me to receive healing?
- Was this suffering my fault?
- Was God looking the other way?
- Should I somehow have been able to fix this?
- Was my illness a result of the trauma my mother carried?
I did not realize that my past had left trauma on my soul. I was haunted by the times:
- a trauma team was needed to wake my mother from the anesthesia of a biopsy.
- a failed infusion left me so weak I could not even eat.
- another failed infusion sent me to the hospital after I fainted because of extremely low blood counts.
- allergic reactions (too numerous to count) flared.
AT THE MERCY OF A FAILING MEDICAL SYSTEM?
When medications that were supposed to help me left me worse than before or when the doctors who were supposed to help me treated me as if medication failures were somehow my fault, I felt I was being held at the mercy of a failing medical system with no voice of my own.
The pharmacy that was supposed to compound my medication once gave me defective capsules. For over two months, I was without the only medication that brought any relief for my inflammation. When the pain and swelling became so great that I could not even take care of my personal needs, I took my questions to the Lord and His Word.
GOD’S STRENGTH IN MY WEAKNESS
The Lord met my questions firmly. When healing doesn’t come as we think it should, when the pain doesn’t lift as we wish it would, God is still beside us. He sees our past, present, and future trauma as one piece, held together in His redeeming hands. He is our compassionate Savior and speaks peace over every trauma that touches us. He has told us that we are His dear children, He knows what we need, and He brings His strength to carry us through every weak place.
I read about the Apostle Paul and his “thorn in the flesh.” If God could say “No” to Paul’s healing, perhaps my answer also lay in his words:
Concerning this thing, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly, I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
I would love to have you join me over at Chronic Joy to hear and read the rest of this post. Click here to read with me.
When Chronic Joy invited me to write a post on trauma over 6 months ago, truly God did see my “past, present, and future trauma as one piece.” He knew that on the very day this post would be published, I would face the question of my willingness to re-try another old failed medication. I had just finished the conversation with my rheumatologist when I opened my inbox to see that Chronic Joy had published this piece.
Oh His redemption goes so deep! His strength has become my only sufficiency, and His “yes, it’s time to try again,” is echoing so sweetly in my ears. His ways are for our good dear friends, as He shows us His presence throughout every trial of our lives.
I pray this song blesses you as it did me this week. You all are precious gifts in His hand.
I am linking with: Remember Me Monday
BettieGsRAseasons 
Oh, Bettie, this is so moving. My eyes filled with tears as I read your words. What you’ve been going through, and are still experiencing, is so painful and traumatic. Yet there is hope. You not only list the huge challenges you’ve faced, you remind us how God has been with you, always, and how you draw perseverance and strength from His continual presence. Anyone who has been through, or is currently struggling with trauma of various kinds, will find inspiration and encouragement here because you reveal how trauma can be transformed into a positive testimony of grace. Bless you, dear friend, you are a shining light for so many. Sending love, hugs and prayers across the pond. ❤️🙏🏻💜
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Oh my dear friend, thank you for your precious encouraging words. 😭🤗 I pray so much that the Lord will shine His light thru any words that He brings me to share. And I so appreciate your prayers, more than I can begin to express. Your friendship is a treasure, dear Joy!! Love and blessings and hugs! ❤️❤️
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So good to read a post by you, and it is so positive, as usual.
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And oh it’s so good to hear from you also! I am so amazed at the weaving of God’s love across these digital airwaves. Someday in Heaven we will meet each other and share His grace in person! Blessings to you today. ❤️
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Praying & rejoicing with you Bettie, a poignant post sweet friend.
Blessings, Jennifer
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Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement and prayers dear friend! What a precious gift from the Lord, to be able to rejoice together, half-way around the world! Truly His grace and mercy are so great. Blessings to you!
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Oh Bettie, I’m so sorry you went through so much trauma in your life. Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony of God’s precious redeeming grace in the midst of it. This part especially comforts me: “When healing doesn’t come as we think it should, when the pain doesn’t lift as we wish it would, God is still beside us. He sees our past, present, and future trauma as one piece, held together in His redeeming hands.” Thank you for reminding me. 💕 Love and hugs and blessings of God’s faithful love and sufficient grace to you!
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Dear Trudy, thank you so much for your precious understanding and care. It means so much to me to know that we can pray for each other along this journey of redemption from Jesus. I pray that He blesses you so richly today my friend. Hugs and love! 🤗🤗
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Thank you for sharing your journey, Bettie, even the tough times. Your story presents the beacon of hope especially for others going through any type trauma. “His strength has become my only sufficiency, and His “yes, it’s time to try again,” is echoing so sweetly in my ears.” I’m so glad He meets you (us) exactly where we are at!
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Oh yes, Lynn, I am so thankful that He meets us where we are! And He knows exactly when we are ready to face that past trauma or when He will take the redemption deeper in our hearts. I appreciate your encouragement so much dear friend. Blessings and hugs to you!
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He is so kind to walk with us and to help us process the past, present, and future. It brings such comfort to know that He never leaves or forsakes us. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Bettie. I pray that the Lord continues to give you His grace, wisdom, and insight.
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Amen, He truly is so kind to us. And thank you for your kind and encouraging comment. May the Lord bless you and keep you this day.
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so beautiful Betty. I love your insights and encouragement within.
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Thank you Paula. Your comments are an encouragement to me, as the Lord keeps helping me to go forward along His path. Blessings to you today!
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