Another corner of my garden–God’s Garden–where
He asks me to sit awhile
I’ve been pondering the pictures that my Counselor painted for me last week. It was a word picture to help explain why my stamina has gone into hiding: What if I could picture my energy and stamina as being contained in one of those beverage coolers with a spigot on the bottom and a cap on top, and every time I use my energy for anything, it would flow out through the spigot in the bottom. But while the outflow is moving steadily along, the inflow at the top of the container is only a slow drip. The inflow is much slower than the outflow now.
So where does that leave me when I choose to take on an extra activity, or go for an extra outing? Depleted for days. The inflow takes longer to replenish than the actual time of the outflow–I cannot depend on my rejuvenation to happen in the same way that it used to, pre-RA/Fibro days. Depletion is a negative in the bank-book nowadays. And my body screams at me on those negative days.
But I have come to recognize another voice, quieter, and still, behind the clamoring voice of pain. It is the voice of my Lord, asking me to ponder another picture.
“Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs.” Isaiah 61:7
Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about this topic of shame Here, but the learning still continues. As I listened and pondered that verse, questions began swirling to the surface. I had prayed that verse many times over some very specific situations. Those situations did not turn out the way I had thought they would. But even more unthinkable was the possibility that I should consider SHOUTING for joy over my own portion? HERE? . . .
“Yes, my daughter. I am your portion. And I have given you a double portion of MY PRESENCE as you have climbed into the soul-deep-places of your heart where I dwell with you, IN THE MIDST OF YOUR PAIN.”
There is no fear in love, and there is no shame in weakness, when Christ is pouring His Mercy over us. His Presence teaches us how to walk and measure our steps to steward the time He has given us on this earth. Never a step is taken with Him, unless His Heart has a reason.
The Poet Prays
By Grace Noll Crowell
The crushing of a thousand petals, Lord,
Distills one drop of essence from a flower.
Crush me, Oh God, if thereby my song makes
Some tired heart walk with beauty for an hour.
If under bruising pestle I give voice
To the high white rapture of a faint perfume,
And catching it, one weary of paved ways
Turns back a lost path where wood violets bloom.
If I can bring the quick relief of tears
To dry eyes dulled with bitterness for long,
Gather the fragrant petals of my life
And crush them, Lord, then help me sing the song.
I am linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee, and her #Tell His Story crew.