Before I began this Journey into Chronic Illness more than two years ago,
I had immersed myself in praying
through a Beth Moore book, titled,
I did not see the place that lay before me.
But my Lord was making preparation.
Even as the pain began increasing,
and the Specialist spoke the words
Chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis,
I did not feel the darkness that was lying
to pounce and cover me as the
nights began to swallow the days.
But today the nudge of my Lord
led me back to the first chapter of
Beth Moore’s book, and her quote:
“The giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our life. He is our life.”
followed by this passage in Acts:
“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.'”
I don’t think I could have seen how much I depended on my own healthy, strong self
until that self became en-robed in weakness.
Oh, don’t get me wrong here.
I longed for God to be my life.
I cried out for Him to expose my hidden sins,
and I searched the words that my mind
fell back upon to see His Mercy.
Well, that was my own responsibility.
I tried to make healthy choices.
I walked those trails to increase my stamina,
and I pushed my strength,
day after day as I shoveled and carried and
weeded my way through our land.
So when I found myself being gradually
stripped of those abilities,
I heard myself complaining to God,
“Why did you bring me to this place if I can’t take care of it?”
There’s the catch, isn’t it?
What if He wanted to show me exactly that?
Maybe I am here, BECAUSE I cannot
take care of it,
Maybe He wants to be more than a part of my
spiritual and emotional life.
HE WANTS MY WHOLE LIFE.
MY WHOLE BROKEN SELF.
So, in these days before the Official
my heart is filled with Thanks:
Thanks for the preparation
and Thanks for the journey
that leads me to more of HIM
who is my whole life.
And in this way,
our hearts can truly say
we are thankful in every season.
I am linking this week with these great sites: